Painting by Steve Johnson: Creative Commons License
Soft Content Warning: This post touches on topics around physical safety, specifically for women and femme presenting individuals, including highly inappropriate interactions the author experienced. None of the interactions discussed amount to assault, but are somewhat tangential.
There is this odd sense around safety experiencing society perceiving me both as a man and a woman. When I was perceived as a man, I rarely considered my safety. I was generally aware of my surroundings and wasn’t carefree, but most of the time I generally felt safe. Put another way, safety was considered the norm barring a significant reason to consider otherwise.
I was aware that this was not the case for women. I had conversations with women in my life about how they are always vigilant and always considering their safety. Traveling with a friend. Messaging when they got home safe. Always looking around. I believed them when they shared safety concerns, including if a particular environment was making them uncomfortable. I empathized to the extent that is possible having very different social experiences.
Transitioning brought about a different level of awareness. As I started being more consistently perceived as a woman in social circumstances, I increasingly was aware of my surroundings. A presumption of safety became less the norm, and there is a constant edge of awareness and being on the defense. I believed the women that had previously shared their experiences and my caution increased accordingly.
Living in a misogynistic world, and not having any significantly notable issues, I started to wonder if maybe I was overreacting—or at least being paranoid. Do I really need to be that aware? At first, my desire to explore different arguments wants to hear that out. Maybe there is a point to consider. That is quickly met the facts of reality. I have had friends be assaulted. I have had a group of men say, “Damn, too bad she looks sober” as I walked past them. I’ve had a man dance towards me, gesturing to my body, as he is singing. He continued when I asked him to stop and followed me around the block. I’ve had someone put their hand on my arm multiple times after I told him to stop touching me.
No I’m not overreacting. I’m not imagining. These instances all happened even while being highly aware. I don’t need to directly experience traumatic events in order to recognize the increased risk I now have. The idea that I needed to prove that my concern was warranted at all is rooted in misogyny. There are many valid and factual reasons to not presume a safe environment. To say otherwise is gaslighting.