Returning to competitive cycling after injury, I expected physical challenges but wasn’t prepared for the profound emotional revelation of community acceptance and the realization that I truly belong in this space.
Exploring how endurance sports provide a framework for necessary self-care practices, forcing recognition of physical and mental health needs while challenging perspectives on productivity and worth.
My cycling goals this year have revolved around a theme of trying new things and pushing myself in ways that had been relegated to the maybe some day category. This has included exploring gravel riding, racing, and ultra endurance. A few weeks ago I completed my third ultra endurance ride. I completed two 200km rides in the summer, but this was the first attempt at 300km. I’ve also longed to ride out to the Coast from Portland metro for years, but it always seemed out of reach. As Autumn rolled in and the days have already started getting shorter, I knew I had to commit now or face an increasing amount of time in the dark, and a higher chance of substantial rain. I enjoy riding in the dark hours and the rain, but those weren’t variables I wanted at play with such a large increase in distance and total elevation. ...
It took a lot of internal reflection and discussions to recognize that my improving performance was due to the fact that I was steadily, and somewhat aggressively, increasing my training load. In retrospect, this seems obvious and the clearest answer, but the claws of societal transphobia had latched on deep.