Returning to competitive cycling after injury, I expected physical challenges but wasn’t prepared for the profound emotional revelation of community acceptance and the realization that I truly belong in this space.
Exploring the complex journey of identity work: balancing visibility with safety, community with solitude.
Fiddlehead fern. ©Skyler Lemay 2024 I remember being in a High School youth group, almost always more comfortable talking with the other girls. Then we would break up into gender segregated discussion groups for whatever the topic was at the time. We were reading some religious treatise around gender norms. It was written by a wife and her husband, each writing their own book. Supposedly, it was a call to action of how best to model our gender the “way god intended.” I didn’t get any of the discussions of how to be a man. I remember going up to the leader and asking if I could hang out with the girls, and being told that it wasn’t a possibility. They were my friends. We talked about life. I didn’t like being stuck in a group of boys. It didn’t make sense. None of it made sense. ...
Tesseract at Portland Winter Lights Festival ©Skyler Lemay 2024 To become is to be part of a process by which the stable identities—the majorities—are dissolved in creative acts in which more fluid ‘identities’ are created, but only as the by-products of the process itself. ~ Todd May Milestones are an interesting concept, but I remain captivated by the impact of reflecting on the growth that has happened over the years. 3 years ago from today, I started HRT. I had finally started working through the chest of gender feelings that I had tried for so long to escape from. I could no longer avoid their haunting reminders of a truth that I had long known, but had repressed for far too long. I had just come out at work, and shared my name with my team. I was about to meet them for the first time, and it felt like a better time than any to share this news. ...
You can’t use up creativity. The more you use, the more you have. ~Maya Angelou This past year I embraced the idea of creating a theme for the year. Themes are more robust than goals or resolutions, because they allow for adaptation in the face of unknown factors. The ability to adapt in the midst of a global pandemic helped my own well being. ...